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these english muffins 4 breffass...gettin old, it's all getting old. breakfast that is.

almost forgot about dessert yesterday. made something while the man was driving home from work. took that blondie recipe, messed with it again and got some crunchie-top cocoa brownies. combine:
1 1/2 cups baking mix, 1/2 cup walnuts, 1/4 cup cocoa, 1 1/4 cup sugar. add a mixture of 1 egg, 1/2 cup milk (or soy), and this time i added about a teaspoon of vanilla too. greased the bottom of a square pan. 325 for about25-30 minutes, til knife or fork or toothpick or whatever comes out without goo on it. to serve, i sprinkled frosting sugar on top.

also made hunnimon a button-down t-shirt. no pattern, but used another shirt to trace to get an idea of the shape. it's not perfect, but it is very comfy material, in probably his fav. shade of green (may look kind of minty here, but it's actually like your shirt i fixed, spidey, the colour).

   =  
that jujube and stuff i made a broth out of. blehck. i doubt i'll use it. it tastes fine, it tastes like starchy rice water. it must be somewhat medicinal cause the aftertaste has stayed with me for days.

think i'll be attempting to make pretzels soon. craving them last night. also will be changing my site. have been getting visions in my head of newness. not sure when i'll get it all together. not today.

dinner.  i had a list around here. that's why i lost it, didn't put it in the pocketbrain (palm). had pizzadias, as he puts it, this week.

the weekend was A-ok. my hunni mowed two yards!!! we went down to the river and took black and white film and digital pictures, mostly of us, but some of new orleans cityscape. we had company on sunday evening. a little person visited, and he couldn't get enough of my floppy dog named droopy (stuffed). spideys shirt was sent off to be delivered to her later this week. and bought some t-shirt material to make a shirt for hm.

got up, later than usual. fed cats, brushed teeth, went to get groceries. on the way to the first item (catfood), i see a fellow student from the cosmetology school i went to, with one of her kids! we talked for about 30 minutes in the store....then realizing we didn't want to be in walmart all day, she gave me instructions to her house and told me come over when i get finished and go home and put away groceries. i hadn't had breakfast yet, so i mix up a liquid breakfast, jump in the shower, then zip over to her house. in the store conversation, she found out i had grown some tomatoes...so i figured i could give up a bag of my frozen tomatoes to her. she was sad she couldn't get hers to grow. but she showed me her garden. cucumber, watermelon, many vietnamese vegetables and several pepper plants. so we ended up chatting for 2 hours!!!

she sent me home with some of her eggrolls, but i don't have a deep fryer, so i just microwaved this one, so it's like a spring roll (?). she's been tutoring kids at local schools and people at the schools have been ordering eggrolls from her. she was the girl who told me, after her and one of our other friends introduced me to spring rolls, that if i would pick up the ingredients, she would just make some for me (but i wanted to know how to make them). so anyways, i learned how to make them anyhow, but not her way, she says hers have vietamese fruit/veggies that aren't in every other recipe.

so, looks like she hasn't really talked to too many people we graduated with, either. we're both in really similar positions, but she has 4 kids. and she adopted 2 more!!! long story, but one has been told to go back and live with a cousin in another state.

but anyways, it seems we are in really similar places in life and i'm wondering if we will end up doing stuff together when her husband is out (fishing business). she wants me to clue her in on some easy cheap things to feed her kids...she was interested in lasagna and pizza and tortillas.

so, i'm thinking maybe these rolls for dinner, other than that i was going to take my package mix of the dried jujube, lily flowers and all (finally) and make a soup out of it this week. been putting it off too long.

death is infinite | life is terminal

something i used to write on EVERYTHING

but dammit, i wasn't goth. and that was comforting.

and then there was wham...i promptly grabbda sharpie and marked shirts with CHOOSE DEATH

there was a secrets of gypsy fortunetelling book, too. palmistry, reading dna off your palm article, learn it online or scan your hand  to them, palm quiz, mystery palm of the week. i remember before the palm pilots when i'd look up palms online, it was just hands. it stops looking like a word after a while.   p a l m     sounds like a broken popcorn machine.

and sp- that pic is me. it's always me since i took the comic pic down.

yes, this week has been a doozy from finding that box o' stuff. found something new in it again last night. a letter from a highschool bud. i had always wondered why the friend situation seemed sparse during the summer. obviously my step father and/or mother were screening and tossing out all the letters that came to me. i know this because i found a letter, actually s. found it, in the box. i never got this letter while i lived in that house. i just wrote the person back...about 14 years late, but shit, you know?! for all i know, they dead now. i don't have my yearbooks, so i can't look the person up. here's the letter i responded back to:

(Death),
Hey Sweety, How is your summer so far. I hope good. Well are you and your mom getting along? I hope so. Well me and my mom are doing a little better than we were before, but she still bothers me. She has not been in my room since school was out. Well reason i didn't go to school thurs. + fri. is because i might want to quit. Well, (Death), I really don't know you all that well but I think you are a real nice girl. I would like to know a little more about you. (like what all kind of stuff you've been through). I would really like to talk to you some more. If you don't mind, please call me and we can talk about anything you want. remember: I am an understanding person. Nothing will go pass me. Well, I guess I will go for now. Call me whenever you want to. I will talk anytime. Please write back. Love ya, Tony

they went on to leave a phone number and address.

mr. man also found an old poem i wrote. i just listened to sean recite it in his mocking goth voice. (it was very angsty and probably devoted to an ex-fiance and all the disappearances) but actually he said it was really good!

I've done it again
and, as always, I end
up with a malicious grin.
The plan starts off unknown
but of course, in the end
I finish up alone again.
The habit to be deceitful
and the will to carry on.
is fueled by the dreadful greed.
The keeper of hearts is my job
and evil renders as my name.
His heart I did mean to break
In my ways I am bent
and now I do his heart the same
everything so silent.
With his feelings, he can not cope
but alone, around this place, he does mope.
does not know which he'll execute
When in doubt my hands reach to grip
and hidden in my innocence,
is the last of his essence.
To all i dedicate this poem
and tell to stay from me away.
or you too,
shall
waste
away...
in
decay

I was just getting heart-broken left and right back then. i am so glad things have the opportunity to be better now-a-days that my mail is not screened and that people are now usually straight forward with what they want from me. I'm not a match maker anymore ('keeper of hearts is my job'). I was so concerned about everyone else back then, helping them, there was no time for me to think straight. there was no time to figure out who i was. after i moved out of my family house, i stopped writing poetry. when i left the house and most of my stuff, i lost all that poetry. ... i hope one day i get bit by a poetry bug again.

it seems the resurgence of this stuff is changing me again as a person. i'm slowly realizing that i don't need to be like i am because my history is actually different than i knew it. it's like having amnesia, i guess. i am starting to see the person i was meant to be. bright, friendly, passionate, timely. maybe i'm still all that, but the encouragement is different.

i almost feel like i just got out of highschool all over again. slumber party at my house!

sticky blonde-mix:1 cup sugar (i was out of brown sugar, so used white, 1/2 cup chips (chocolate, peanut, butterscotch, whatever), 1/2 cup walnuts, 1-1/2 cup baking mix(start with 1 cup flour, after you have mixed EVERYTHING together, add more flour til it gets to brownie consistency (not too loose, not to hard). then combine: 1/2 cup milk, 1 egg. mix dry and wet together. put in to slightly greased baking dish. 350 about 25 minutes, makes 8. ...it's sticky cuz of all that sugar.

this was my first dog. the picture is freaky cuz it's totally 70's decor. and i find that i still decorate like that. in my magic timecapsule box, i also found the macrame hanging owl, 10 of my original tarot cards- the deck was the same kind used in that bond movie. a green, plastic kaleidescope from a crackerjack box (when they used to have real prizes in there, not the spooty stickers/miniature postcard craps), a patch from my dads' marine jacket...really cool, something about weapons and there are ace cards on the design too.

going thru that box yesterday...found a little notebook titled 'observations.' i don't really remember why i had this book.  excerpt from 10th grade i was going to give it up to date kewl spelling like the gen y/z does here at x but that's not the way i wrote it.....so....just imagine it...it reminds me of a lot of people logs i read here, extra update info in bold):
dan got here early today (i don't know why). lorrie didn't.
Homeroom: one girl is fanning herself, one boy is doing his math hmwk. 2 people are writing notes, 1 girl is doing homework, one girl reading, one girl is writing back and forth to me (probably cathy holseybrook-great friend). I just moved my folder and my ring sidea little ways. one boy (kris) is playing with his hair.kris pen just fell on the floor. a girl and ms. soash are talking. kris is doodling. so is the boy next to me kris banged on his desk w/ a pen. and we said hi.
my typewriter sounds mute. slow as if not used in such a long time. person raised eyes to me. chris pulled out a really neat, paint-splash-covered book. ana (another great friend)getting annoyed with me cuz i won't show her this book. have 2 new people sitting at my lunch table. oh! just remembered, have to call rick tonight (i don't remember this rick)! very cold in lunchroom. deathly. have to get to locker before spanish, gunna try to avoid kris.
new guy named james (probably the same guy who got sick and all, plans for prom had to be re-figgured-3 years later) at table. door to lunch room gone. way behind ana, calling me a waver, talking to chris. mike-boy in front of me in spanish (the guy who gave me the death/paleface/moribunda/etc nicknames), wasted time in spanish(so did i). other mike asked what lauries name was (in front of allison). sabrina (her and ana, my bestest friends 10th-12th) was writing a note that mike could read from his desk and told her so! in world history, turned newswatch in late. kris was late, i think i was late. girl from world history class (and typing) is making dog-like noises and gestures to justin, while he's at his locker. He laughs, finishes at the locker, leaves.
i was rather cold when i entered the art room. my nose feels rosie-cold. (some words have been washed off) my fingers feel tingly (more missing words) freezing, no, not quite. today i finally get to finish my portfolio! i feel lovesick in the middle of winter. rick. kris didn't talk to me at w.h. i'm majorly depressed! shane chews on the side of his mouth like i do!!

sounds like i was a tad boycrazy.

finally made the stewpahpie. made it like that chick pot pie but used stew veggies (peas carrots, potatoes), used mushroom and garlic gravy instead of the cream of chick soup, and used sliced steak chunks for the meat

well, well, well! went to mow the empty in laws house after dropping off the girl to be groomed. the two year old winter coat shedding every time you looked at it was pushing me further over the edge. the fleas also finally paid them a visit and boy did they come full force...my poor itchy kitties. i couldn't believe they were laying together either, but this is probably one of the best places to stay away from the fleas and be cool in the house. did you know that they have that frontline stuff that you squirt on the back of the neck...did you know they had it in a spray form? a pump per pound, all over. i dunno how it works with him licking it off...but i'll keep my fingers crossed.

so the mower was konking out on me, probably needs a new filter and there was a leaky pipe...glad it isn't our house, but sure hm will be fixing it anyhoo. decided to pick up some of my stuff. glad i did. i can't even imagine how much of my stored stuff accidentally got sold at the garage sale. noticed my iron candlesticks were out. 

there were lots of pictures of my 8th-11th grade school years. i miss these people! well, these aren't everyone. these are the people who weren't my bestfriends(except mable), i loved them just as dearly. i'm sure they had no clue. the names i can kinda remember, myra, gino, myras boyfriend, scott nusecable, nik, amir dabiri (?), andrew(?), yes, he's the bad one.

  
also found the pictures of my father, here are a few. i can't wait to get a bike and do a pose like this and put the pictures together in a frame.

nigelina, my psych rat.

the neighbor kids i used to babysit 20 years ago and myself.

found some earlier photos i took when photography first hit me. my old elementary school playground, my empty highschool parking lot, some trees i saw on vacation, and that sunny day when some of the pictures above were taken (those were taken with one of those non-digital keychain cameras).

here is the beautiful clothesline in the backyard. actually, i don't mind, just hoping with the handful of clothes pins, everything will stay put and not blow over to a neighbors' yard.

this weekend, visited spidey. got to get a t-shirt from her to fix the hem at the bottom. outside looks pretty darn good(even though there are some extra lines i stitched to try and make sure the hem wouldn't come undone again), even though the inside doesn't (needle thread was loose). used interfacing also...hem REALLY shouldn't come done again.

here is a piece of remnant material i got last week. it is like some kind of linen/rayon mix. equally red and yellow threads, makes it appear orange. turned it into a top with cut-out folky sleeves sewn on like a sundress.

have a sundress to fix... it was a size or so larger when i got it. had fixed the sides with saftey pins but still couldn't wear it cause the shoulder straps were too long.

here is the two layer, filmy shirt.

i had to make a pair of biker-esque shorts out of a t-shirt... cuz the shirt didn't look right over jeans (it pulled a little tight over them and bunched up). can't really see the white cotton/linen underlayer.

thankfully the sewing box was equiped with extra bobbins so i could change colours out easy. the sewing stuff is tedious. but on the good days, i am starting to love it. it doesn't over-work this arthritic issue i have on my right hand, like doing hair did. it has been one of the easiest hobbies to which i can stop and pick-up again at a later date, whenever. it's timely...can get stuff done fairly quickly when i want. reward of having needed items. really opened my mind to all the things i could sew. kites, bathing suits, costumes, kids clothes, bags, purses, catch-all pouch (for doors and carseats), special camp bag to put awkward gear away.......

pulled out the wedding dress. probably 3 inches smaller in width than i remembered...it wouldn't zip! still liked it. must get married again.

also picked up a water pitcher filtering system this weekend. our tap water was actually yellow/brown for about 24 hours!!! y u c k

ok, so i haven't fixed the dryer yet....i'm thinking fuse (if dryers have seperate little fuses), if not the fuse, the ignitor. the button  starter seems fine. dryer sounds like it still works, just no heat. gas tube looks fine, also. buying some clothes line this weekend...best be checkin the weather channel.

i know yesterdays post sounded like i was down on myself. i was, but not in the way you think. i didn't let people in, but that was because they weren't interested in what i had to offer. but i was always eyes and ears in school...sucking it all up.

i love myself, i love the things i teach myself, i love the things i know. i like archaeology, mehndi, food, the circus, waterslides, hiking, camping, surviving, sewing, flower picking, plumbing, mechanical things, animals, the desert, dessert, making things for others, hot tea, rock collecting, use of veg.  plants, drawing/pasteling/painting/markering, coffee, teaching...

i'm sure i can't think of all the things i dabble in. (belly dancing, but again, it's more fun with someone else) WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE?

if i ever get the opportunity i would like to: be a park ranger, volunteer firefighter, animal rehabilitator, work with kids again (doing art and anything else they'd be interested in learning, i used to like to just tell the kids..."ok what questions of life do you want answered and i will try to answer it"), build a cactus/succulent garden on our future land and have people/tourists come walk thru the paths, write a vacation book, finish A cook book idea (i have atleast 3 and all are in process), have a dog, play a song on the guitar for my hunni, build a canoe, lead a short survival trip (those who bitch don't get dessert), have a creating companion, get a make-better... and again i draw a blank on all the things i want to do.

the way i grew up...like many other people everywhere, we made due with what we had. we didn't do without, we made it. like: i had the killah slip-n-slide...was given an insane amount of clear plastic when i was probably 12.....i had it from one corner of the back yard, going way across, and between the trees. it was good to just fill it all with water and lay in it all day. whenever you'd slide in it, though, you'd slide off the plastic at the end and cut your butt on grass...i find myself in the postition of "we need this, how can we acheive it, answer-girl. like: taking a trip to florida, me and buds had leftover food from a resturant but no fridge...answer: fill the sink up with ice from the free ice machine, snuggle food in there.

there's always some brillant person out there who can do it all or has done it all better...this head isn't big or deflated. the things i do are small and fairly easy...nothing too earth shattering, just a matter of tools. i am an everyman. i wish i'd been an extraordinaryman. but i don't beat myself up about it, i do try to find other things within my realm.

doesn't do any good to make assumptions if they constantly mislead you.

so, i will be dryer repairman this week as well. the gas bill was paid, so i know it's the dryer itself!

heavy duty cleaning.                                  heavy duty ignoring.

that's right, sex machines. actually more like....nah, nevermind.

checked out a bitch room online...i always forget about my name.

it doesn't help.

that's not the point.

over the heads of babes and against the bricks

rain, the only sun in my day.

...and for my next trick...

next project will be sewing some emergency blankets to the window-side of the curtains so they will act as solar curtains without the dough. i finally decided how to do it. see, was afraid if i sewed silver material (emergency blanket) to curtain fabric, the blanket would shred. still have to buy some $2 emergency blankets, but once i do, i will just iron a hem all around the curtains, so the eb will be sandwiched between the folded edges of the curtain.

i cooked the steak on sunday for lunch. i couldn't believe i grilled it outside and it came out awesomely marvelous. usually i don't cook too much steak, still slowly learning how to cook it properly. it was seasoned with sea salt, pepper and worestershire right before popping it on the grill. i just waited for it to get those grilllines decently dark (and the uncooked meat on top was turning a little brown but very juicey still). flipped it over. waited the same. just enough pink inside and just bursting with juices. i was floored.

saw the pirates movie on saturday...i was right, i shouldn't have watched the e! show, what i didn't know, guessed within about 5 minutes of the movie. johnny depp was good in it. me and hm were discussing why he was the only pirate with eyeliner. and then i was like, now why do they need eyeliner? hm suggested because of the sun (like a football (ps) player).

spiderman (mtv) was cool. found an outdoor info site. attempted to play runescape. played naval command at yahoo with hm.

not finished with that 2-layer shirt yet. i was taking some step by step photos, but managed to miss a step. not using a pattern, stumbling through the process. can't believe i haven't ruined this see-thru peacock material, yet. instructions further below.

1.2.

3.4.

5.6.

7.

1. i used one of the loose practice shirts for a pattern for the white undershirt. the fold in the white material was at the top, so the shoulders are connected (see pic 3).
   
2. make score lines in the curves of the neck and arms. i then pull what will be the hem where it needs to go, iron it, then sew it down. notice i adjusted the shoulder strap a little cuz it was too wide, just made it go straight up from the armhole.
   
3. shows how the top is connected.
   
4. the outside material. i sewed the peacock material into a tube with the seem being the back seem. then flattened that out and went back over the ditch/center with a zigzag. hem the neck, top-shoulder sleeve whispies, area (this is where i forgot to grab another photo)
   
5. place peacock material (inside out) inside the white material (which was also inside out). pin. sew shoulder straps to top of peacock material.
   
6. mark and cut armhole/sleave whispy area (vague white chalk line)
   
7. the green dots represent where 6. was cut. the white dots represent the outline sewn on 2nd layer to match but be slightly looser than the white underlayer. the blue marked section is the refuse which will cut away and be hemmed again (these materials unravel). picture shown is working on the left side. after the peacock material has been sewn, move it out of the way and sew the side edges of the white material together (they are already sewn and turned inside out in picture #7)

and this is where i have stopped. the bottom needs to be trimmed and hemmed. the sleaves are not completely cut out yet (they will be the wispy part, slit-top sleaves that hang down), and will need to be hemmed. the armhole will be hemmed also. so right now it's looking like the two materials will only be connected at the shoulders. #4 is a good picture of the peacock material