on an introspective moment, brought on by glancing the lloveless site. i do look for happiness in the wrong places. i have been really realising that the past few months. i get scared that i will never get a job, that sean will always work and never have time to do fun things. that when we build the house, we'll screw it all up. basically that we'll be 90 before we can have happiness together. i need a dog. and sean and i need to just give it up and become a balloon ride company. fear of the unknown sometimes eats me alive.

i love adobe photoshop. everything i see, that's graphically interesting, i eventually figure out how to do it. i've played with threshhold in the past but part of graphics is having a good picture to begin with. i can go in an brighten and contrast and hue and variate all i want, but sometimes you really need natural contrast falling on the right spots. so with that said, here's my new profile pic. i love simple.

i'm leaving the test link up for a little bit. in the meantime, favorite fast food food points. i know throwing that lucky dog in there threw everyone a curve ball. unlike the death charactor, i know hotdogs are bad. i eat them sparingly and have come to agree with spidey, the only good dog is a cheesy dog. a bryan cheesy jumbo dog.

1. what is my favorite fast food food?

chinese food (7 points)	2
chocolate sin (8 points)	2
honeyed chicken (10 points)	4
lucky dog (1 points)	3
semolinas (9 points)	0

semolinas is a pasta resturant; they have these chicken enchilada and southwest chicken dishes that are ethereal. the honeyed chicken, i only know of one place to get it here (china hut-foodcourt). what i forgot to put on this list was cuban sandwiches, but i like making them homemade cause they charge too much at christy's cuban specialties.

the sun has come back out. i decided to feed the birds again this morning, but that's IT, they will have to make it last for a little while. i was talking to spidey on the phone while making dinner last night (hamburgers and home-baked fries). looking out the back door i am seeing birds huddled on this spiral plant stand i have. some of them look like they're sleeping, some with one eye open, others grooming. ALL looking at the back door, waiting. every now and again one of the huddled birds would like look down, and they are so stuffed from gorging lately, and dive-bomb the concrete. poor things must have been hallucinating pieces of food.

doing baked papas (i stab them with fork holes, wrap in wax paper, microwave 2-3 minutes on each side for each papa, when you can stick a fork in easily, they're done). gunna top 'em with cheese and fresh broccoli and bacon bits. i forgot the sourcream. oh, and  another way to do yummy potatoes...i helped a friend reconstruct a potatoe skin appetizer: i did the microwave thing. then cut each potatoe...see if i can explain it. your gunna try to make 4 cuts so you get 4 sections of potatoe on skin, and then the left over middle goes into a bowl. and you can skim some of the potatoe off the skins to put in the bowl too. add whatever toppings (except green onions/cheese/sourcream) to the bowl, mix. plop mixture on top potatoes. add onions then cheese. throw under broiler til cheese melts or bubbles or crisps like you like it. top w/ sourcream. i could eat a ptah's* mound of these!

*ptah is the god of the mound from which all things came out of egypt

yes, the answers are sort of multiple choice. even if you get none EXACTLY correct, you can still rack up on points for choosing the next best answer. (test) someone got 0 correct, but they still got lots of points. major grading curve. spidey and sean need to be sent to gifted class even though they only got 5 or 6 answers right

ok, i must stop feeding the outside birds everytime the feeder is empty. there must be about 50 birds in my backyard. they have finally decided to drink water from the bird water plate out there. and they are plump little suckers. started out weeks ago with two pigeons taking turns eatting down on the ground, now there are 4 on the ground and one wating. the finches, started out with about maybe 10, now there's about 40. still only one or two bluejays and mocking bird. the cardinals started with just one, now there are probably 3 that come by regularly. they used to all hang out by the feeder, now they roll around in the mulch of the rose bush pot and are hippity hopping on the shed roof and all on the back patio. i am starting to see marks on the fence where they whipe their beaks. and the noise...i am surprised they neighbors haven't said anything...lol, what are they gunna say. i thought the bird feces would be worse, but i guess they are doing it in the yards surrounding mine. they did manage to hit the rattail cactus

did i say i love you all for taking the test    thank you

it's pretty nifty. i am watching the answers (incase some of you aren't getting the results mailed back to them...i think it is a scam anyways to get your email address).

how well do you know me?(test)

and further more, even if you do know me pretty good, the answers are confusing and don't be surprised if you don't do well. especially if you don't eat with me often!

but all have a chance, each answer will range in points from 0-10. goodluck

the night we had the shoulder, i'd made grvay and potatoes too. so i ended up cutting the meat into bite-size slices, mixing it with brown gravy, then served on top the pasta. fresh broccoli on the side. much better like that.

set up a stool in the backroom at the backdoor window so the evil one could look at birds.

also managed to grab a hold of that rattail cactus yesterday while shifting plants. EEEEOUCH! had to come back in and tweeze some spikes.

i was relayed something that someone else logged and i thought about when i first moved to new orleans. i couldn't believe how many bikers lived here in new orleans, and was really amazed that they kept all the chrome and silver all polished on thier hats and jackets and vests. i even made a comment to a friend and pointed at a bunch of tough-looking, large men. my friend with me glanced over to them and just kept talking. i had guessed she was used to bikers, living here all her life. well, come to find out they weren't all bikers. most did not ride bikes. my husband laughed when i shared this story with him.

i was so oblivious to so many things when i moved here. i also grew up knowing everyone was different and that it isn't nice to point out certain things that obviously don't affect me since we are all individuals and we all have our quirks, likes, traditions, backgrounds, attitudes. besides i'd been ragged on and made fun of enough in school, why should i have need to bully someone else or be catty about something i know nothing about.

(florida) my senior year in highschool, a friend was sad (i had a crush on him). i asked him what up? he said his s.o. was not happy with him. i said, 'well, what is she upset about?' he tells me, 'it's not a she.' and i'm like "oh, i didn't know, well, he, then?" anyways, whatever it was they worked it out. prom comes barreling around and he askes if i want to double with him and date. i agreed, i didn't have a date to prom. the tickets were sold in pairs. his boyfriend didn't go to our school. sarah was going to be the fourth person, she went to our school but was a year younger and not elegible to purchase tickets. so we were going to pretend james (my friend) was taking sarah and i was taking james' friend. well, they all backed out on me, somebody got really sick, i forget what the deal was. so i ended up hitching a ride to prom with my best friend and her man at the time.

(new orleans) one time, i liked this guy(robbie), he was a bouncer at the bourbon pub. finally managed to get a date with him, a friendly date, just something to get out of the house for. (i had been in new orleans for about a month by this time). so he picks me up, gives me a flower. realise he was a friend of a friend, so we all chatted andstufflike that on a daily basis. so anyways, he tells me, "before we go out tonight, i need to tell you something"

so i'm like "ok, what?"

he says, "i'm bisexual, i like you, but i have a boyfriend, and he is going out with us tonight, is that ok?"

i smile and say, "oh, i didn't know. it's cool. are y'all a happy couple? (big grin)"

he tells me they have thier ups and downs, he's in the car...

we go munch out on french quarter pizzas, then go back to his apartment to listen to music. robbie pulls me to side and says "i have something else to tell you, ask you, ok?"      ...ok

"i like you both a lot and was wondering if we could have a threesome...if you'd be interested..."

i declined the offer. i was 18. robbies boyfriend was a this greasey-headed nasty looking thing.....

so then a few years later i am dating someone, and we room with this girl (a female dancer). well, it ends up she is bisexual, too. she grabbed me one night when we had like 30 people over and shoves her tongue in my mouth to kiss me (she was a little drunk). everyone was like jaw-dropped. i got a good chuckle at it until she kicked me and my bf out cause she couldn't have either of us. ran into her a couple years later, she was married, prego and lives in mississippi.

i do love to be friends with people, but i don't want to DO everything with my friends.

thanks to wicked kitty, (yes, i did your test, only got a 40%), for linking to the quiz site! i now have a link to take the how well do you know me test.

i like long tenderloins over shoulders. last night i tried a shoulder, wasn't bad, not dry, just not as wonderful as i had imagined all day long after 'making groceries'. did a few more dried apples...added cinnamon and sugar to the top and let them dry like that......applejacks, they taste like apple jacks!!!

this cacti grew two more arms in the past 2 weeks. the amarillis is partially opened. and 'duhn duh duh duhn' the rose bush has started sprouting new stems!!! had to get some insecticide anyhow because there were flies all in the back yard. last time i had fly-things, they laid eggs on my plants and were eating thier leaves. this time i said NO. including hyacinth picture today.

picked up a small statue of a cat that looks like our big girl waiting to go outside, kitty yoga, boy cat looking out back for birds, girl being sweet, me planting. 

 

my garden grows grief, pride, timidity, fragile passion, endurance, warmth, taste, luck, faithfulness, sincerity, submission, sorrow, and satire.*

one of my worst dreams last night. sean was dead. woke up way early. was hard to shake it off. death had taken the form of sean. comforting me. saying 'it was ok'. and i'm thinking 'how can it be ok, my hunni is dead?' i appreciated the comfort he offered anyways. though i was so confused...distraught. it was nice to know death took the shape of my my loved one, though. didn't realise until the end of the dream, who was helping me and that i was being 'guided', for lack of a better word...

my bad dreams usually have to do with death, conspiracies in large factories, or a burgler coming to find me hidden behind a door at my grandparents house.

on the down low

found this page about the *language of flowers, after buying a purple hyacinth this morning. great smell.

and one day i want a stupid beautiful wedding (yes, another vow exchange). (she has henna on her hands)

low

yup, this has been pasta week so far. curry chicken, basil pesto chicken last night. pesto pasta with veggies tonight. what is pesto? my hunni asked the same thing. it is oil (mine already bought jar has soy), pine nuts, basil, parmesean cheese, garlic. put it on top hot noodles, toss, eat. 

sort-of-recipes: 1. the pesto chicken, it was a breast i cut in half down the middle, put some of the pesto on top, put it under the broiler to make it look grilled (you can do a first wave cooking by closing it up in foil first and letting it cook a little bit in the oven, then open it later and throw it under broiler). mine managed to cook fine under the broiler, when it had gotten a bit of black on it (maybe 7-10 minutes?), i cut it to check doneness. it was still a tad pink so i flipped it over and cooked another 5 or so minutes. the pesto was a jar mix (classico) but if you have a mortar and pestle or a food puree''er you can make the pesto (maybe 3TBSP oil, !TBSP pine nuts, 1 TBSP basil, 1 tsp garlic, 1 tsp-1 TBSP parm cheese). put a heaping teaspoon or more on hot noodles, toss.

i experiment some in my kitchen too, that's why there aren't exact measurements. i don't like using measuring things.

2. the curry chicken, that was one breast also, cut into bite size slices and broiled just until done (looks white)(5-7 minutes). for the curry sauce (2 people): about 1/2-3/4 cup broth/stock, 1/4-1/2 cup veggies (in the trinity mix was  some garlic, belle pepper, and mostly onions). i heated that and let it bubble then added the flour paste (couple teaspoons cold broth or water mixed with 1/2-1 TBSP flour). once flour thoroughly mixed in, i added some curry. it wasn't enough, so i say i should have used 2 TBSP(or more to taste) (i only used 1). it was a salt free curry powder, so i had to add about a 1/2 tsp salt. the curry sauce thickens quickly, turn it off, add chicken. if it is thick, add some of the pasta boiling water to thin it out so you can cook the chick with the sauce until pasta finished.

my next curry dish will be peanut curry chicken. i had a similar dish at a thai resturant in tampa,fl. never thought peanuts belonged in a meat dish, but it was strangely very good.

ever saw the people who pluck out thier eyelashes and eye brows? i have irritations around my eye and feel the need to pluck the eyelashes out to get the irritation to stop. not to the point with the lashes that they are all gone....but with the rose plant, yes.

 PLEASE tell me that even though i plucked off the leaves that the rose bush will still grow just having it's stems. does anyone know? i feel so bad about doing it, but i got nervous and it looked like all the leaves were diseased. now i have a bald plant. tempted to go buy another, but since they were all together they probably all have the same spots on thier leaves. and then spidey told me that her M-I-L told her her plant had a disease, but her plant is just peachy. did i make a mistake taking all the leaves off???

and if it's all good and it will grow back, how long til i have a rose bush that looks leafy again, a month, 2, more?

yeah...i was nabbed by the food pictures too,
last night. my own picture... the cinnamon
tortilla got me at 9:30 pm last night. i took the
only small chunk of bread in the house and
made 3 bites of cinnamon toast. the dried
apple came out as usual. that lemon gives
it bite!

here's the finish picture of the chicken
in the curry sauce and one of that
mixture on top the pasta.

got up about 6:30 this morning. went
to the store. stood 15 minutes in one
of only two open register lines with about 7 items. came home.
decided to take some of the grass lily plants and a couple small
pieces of the under-the-house fern, and plant them in front
gardens. then dug up some of the wanderin jew under the house
and put it in some pots (i'll let them grow a little, then transplant
them into one pot so it looks like spideys new hanging wj). going
for a bike ride later. *update...after the bike ride i took off more rose stems there are only like two stems left now. also decided to take a couple of the amarillis' up front. left the one that is about to bloom in the back.

                    

what is today? today is curry day in our house. our first official curry day. i cut up a breast. i will cook the chicken a little under the broiler while i melt and heat up some frozen veggie broth i had and some trinity veggies. then i'll add some curry (i'm a little scared of the hot curry mix but don't want to unfreshen the bag of mild curry) and probably a TBSP of Flour (i make a paste) or a teaspoon of cornstarch. then i'll add the meat to the sauce. and put it on top of fettuccine.

in other food news: i attempted fruit leather (fruit roll ups). with a tangerine. too much sugar...it's more like candy. ok and i accidentally left it dehydrating overnight....lol ...today am dehydrating apple slices dipped in lemon. and did i mention the cinnamon and sugar on the homemade tortillas under the broiler, RAWKED?

and here is my little sock man. when he's in the right mood, you can, well, mommy can, place many things on him. getting ready for a shower, he was there, i put my socks on him. he walked away scraping on things to get them off him, but when i got out the shower, he had managed to bring them in the bathroom and left them on the shower mat. i really need to get a picture of him in seans arabian head dress.....that is crashs' dress for when he feels 'pretty'. he'll waltz around the house waving his tail with the headress looking like a flag.

oh, and he now comes to 2 different songs being whistled (if you can sing it right, he'll come when you sing, too)...the two songs? 'you are my sunshine' and 'you lost that lovin feelin'.  such a lover he is. sean giggled on the weekend, i think it was friday. after every word i would sing, he would head-butt me (that term doesn't look right, oh well) you* are* my* sun* shine*

you know those bumper stickers that go: if you're following too closely...
well, i never get to read the rest of it cause i'm pulled up so darn close.
ok, it's official. the people living next door? idiots. dude HAD to have pulled across my yard to park on his grass...again. i know, it's only 3 times. i don't want to look like an uppity bitch to go over there and explain to them why they can't pull thru my yard and why they are the only people in this neighborhood (from 1st-10th street) who see fit to act like trash blown up on to the yard after the rubbish people come thru. it's all good. i whined about it, i'm fine now. it just irks me that someone would actually want to pay the bill that'll come out if they break my water main. it won't be the people living there, it'll be my old neighbor who still owns the place. very sad to not care about your neighbors. very sad to not care about anyone, but neighbors, you have to live right next to them.
congrats to spidey on that cd win!!!
more bgs:

  

and a big one

then, it occured to me...it's the end of the month, maybe they're moving?