January 6, 2004

• WHERE HAVE I BEEN, you ask...

  
  

  gritting my teeth at family events. smiling at the new year. getting things done. embracing the time to myself during the day. nugglin up to the man at night.

  
  

  actually spent new years by ourselves for the first time (i made canned black eyed peas, non-mushy, fresh cabbage and broiled ham; gunna make a soup with what was left over). made steak and broccoli stir fry last night. figuring on making a patch of spices cuz the man is been groovin on chai.

  
  

  he showed me saturn and it's rings over the weekend. we watched the nasa rover events unfold on nasa tv last saturday.

  
  

  wondering about the new spin-off movie from pitch black-riddick chronicles(?).

  
  

  made a bunch of quilt squares (after i got finished making the scrap (cq) squares). haven't taken pictures of all the ones i made yet. am posting the pieces of bunni and the finished bunny to give an idea on what that quilt will look like. it is a black bunny on a green background. also made 2 cat-looking squares, crazy looking dog one, an alien, a folky flag, ankh, tent in the woods, the world, a heart. will probably make a comet square and a couple others once i get back in the mood. the zia was a hassle, came out wonky, there will be no zia in the quilt.

  
  

  made a shirt and now plans for a couple others after using a h-m-d handmade shirt as a guide. about to get to work on a baby quilt...

  
  

   i'll ask this...anyone around that doesn't realize if you ask me to go to a baby shower... i'm gunna turn you down? well, gots a family member in that way. the m-i-l called to see if i'd ride with her. so i guess that means it was pointless to talk about how much baby showers suck (when the i-l first got prego) and that neither he or i go to them. another thing, if he and i were both invited, why does it all fall on my shoulders to go or say no? why does he not have to say, "no, we'll pass this up, you're family, we'll see y'all"  it goes to me. tradition, right? fuck tradition. i HATE baby and wedding showers. so, saying i don't DO babyshowers didn't work, so i had to say being around people stresses me out. (not to mention, my m-i-l tries to be cute and baby coo and talks about how fun and cute......VOMIT, it all makes me sick) yes, i do get anxious, but that is like an hour ride up to the party, with the talkative, story-repeating m-i-l. i just can't mentally do it. i don't want to do it. i've been polite for 10 years. now i will be me. i am not a girly-girl. i do not think it is fun to attend these showers and saddened that by lack of presence it infers that there is a lack of support from the family. no. if your arm got blown off and i loved you, you would still not get my arm. if i don't like certain parties, i just don't like the party. i belive in enduring some pain/aggravation for people when i really need to, but when it is a joyous event, it should be enjoyed, not endured.

  
  

  if i were to go on a grave tour, i would not want to feel obliged to do something with someone just because they endured a grave tour with me. if a person wants to do something, PEACHY, if you don't, then DON'T. people who are guilted into things are resentful. don't BE or make that person...be YOU, don't sweat what they do or don't want to do. we only have one life. try not to make everyone else miserable in the quest for perfection. in my case, family wanting a perfect family, yet on thier terms, no compromise. perfection and tradition does not equal normalcy, more like anality.

  • 11:08 am
  • 13 Comments